Turning Towards One Another

What comes to mind when you read the words, "turning towards one another?" Do you envision standing back to back and on the count of three turning to face each other, locking eyes in a staring contest? First one to blink looses and has to give the winner a kiss. This is a small way my spouse and I choose to turn towards one another. The phrase "turn towards one another" means to turn to each other for strength, comfort, and friendship. It means when times are hard you go to your spouse for strength. It means finding small and simple ways to enjoy being together or connect.

Dr Gottman talked about emotionally intelligent husbands. He said, "he makes choices that show he honors her. When he's watching the football game and she needs to talk, he'll turn off the TV and listen. He is choosing "us" over "me"." While he was specifically talking about husbands, wives should do the same for her husband. When both spouses are willing to put "us" before "me" then they are turning towards one another.

That starring contest I told you about at the beginning was a cheap and quick date night my spouse and I had after putting kids to bed. Best two out of three. We laughed together during it. He cheated by blowing into my eyes so I declared myself the winner. Another time we had a root beer tasting date. We had always wanted to taste a few root beers at the store, but never did. So we got 8 different bottles of root beer and tasted them and rated them. Incase you are wondering, we like Dad's and A&W root beer the best. We both agreed that all the fancy bottles we had always wanted to taste were kind of gross. Small and simple things keep our friendship strong. We usually end the date with taking about goals, dreams, fears, triumphs, or trials. We laugh and joke all throughout the conversation. It is not any one grand gesture that keep us close, but an accumulation of small moments over time. We utilize our time together. If we're driving in the car, we don't turn on the radio. Rather we play little made up games or tell each other jokes and try not to laugh. We talk about our faith or take inventory on our relationship. Another simple thing we do is a love notebook. Every day my husband and I write each other a short love note. Usually it's only 2-4 lines. We write things we admire and love about one another. It keeps our thoughts turned to the positive traits in each other.  I give you these examples so you can see a happy marriage doesn't require expensive dates or even large chunks of time. It includes a kiss as you pass each other in the hall, a wink at church, holding hands as you are driving, snuggling on the couch while you are teaching come follow me, a encouraging text throughout the day, or a complement on their appearance (my love language is verbal praise so it means the world to me when my spouse complements me). These are small gestures that keep us turning towards one another.

Dr. Goddard said, "When our focus is in the unpleasant and mundane, we trivialize everything. We become like the three stooges, endlessly punching and shoving each other...we bicker and bristle and fail to claim the blessings that God has offered. Is our faith a vibrant ennobling power in our lives? Or  do our complaints and discomfort eclipse any vision of the eternal?...When we have the eternal perspective on our marriage, everything is different....As we turn from the natural man to the ways pf Christ, we will respond to our challenges differently. Instead of judging our partner, we will invite Christ to soften our hearts and fill us with goodness. No challenges or differences in marriage can thwart the work of god-given charity." This week try writing a note to your spouse every day with things that you love and admire about them. Take time to think about the positive traits they have. This exercise, if done regularly, can help change negative feelings and thought patterns to a positive and relationship building experience. It will help you see them more like our Father in Heaven sees them and help you turn towards one another.