Making Sacrifices

Henry B. Eyring gave a General Conference address called, "Our Perfect Example." He said, "Pray for the love which allows you to see the good in your companion. Pray for the love that makes weaknesses and mistakes seem small. Pray for the love to make your companion’s joy your own. Pray for the love to want to lessen the load and soften the sorrows of your companion."

I just love that quote. This type of prayer shows a desire to have a strong marriage and a willingness to work towards it. I also think when you're praying it would be beneficial to say a few things about your spouse that you are grateful for. It will help focus your mind on the positive things that your spouse is doing.  My spouse and I have couple prayer together every evening before bed. Sometimes we make a point to complement one another in our couple prayers. I cannot express the closeness and tenderness of feelings I have had towards my spouse as I listen to him complement me and thank Heavenly Father for the sacrifices I have made and still make on behalf of our family.

One thing that I have experienced and come to knew is important in a marriage is sacrifice. Both must be willing to make sacrifices for the relationship. Let me share a personal story about sacrifice. I met my husband as a college freshman. We dated for a year and then got married. I wasn't planning on getting married. I had every intention of serving a mission. Several times throughout our courtship, I would pray, "Heavenly Father I am falling in love with him. I need to break up with him now so it won't be so hard later. I am going to serve a mission." Heavenly Father would tell me, "Just keep dating him." I ended up not serving a mission, but instead married the perfect man for me. We were both students at ISU. After we had been married for two years we began talking about having children. I knew as soon as we had children, I would have to put my education on hold. So my husband and I made a deal. If we started are family now, I would support him in all his schooling and training; however, as soon as he was finished, it was my turn. He had to support me in finishing my degree. So we started our family. I supported my husband through medical school, residency, and fellowship. I packed and moved our small family across the country 3 times. I supported my spouse by taking care of everything regarding home maintenance, children, bills, grocery shopping, cleaning, cooking, car maintenance, health care, and anything else that didn't involve him studying and working long hours. It was a lot of work and at times very stressful. It was a sacrifice I made to ease stress on him. However, when my husband finally finished, he held up his end of the bargain and encouraged me to go back to school. He does a lot more cleaning and laundry, so I can focus on homework. When he comes home from work he immediately takes over the children and lets me go to my room to study. I am extremely grateful for his service and sacrifice he makes so I can attend school.

In Dr. Goddard's book, Drawing Heaven into Your Marriage, he says, "'And [God] gave unto them commandments, that they should worship the Lord their God, and should offer the firsdings of their flocks, for an offering unto the Lord. And Adam was obedient unto the commandments of the Lord" (Moses 5:5). Adam and Eve were to offer God their very best, the "firstlings of their flocks." I wonder what the firstlings of our flocks are. Is it our cherished free time that we must put on the altar? Is it our love for sports, games, reading, shopping, clothes, or money that must be sacrificed?"

It is with this quote in mind that I ask myself this question.  What firstlings of my flock do I need to place on the alter to strengthen my marriage and help my spouse feel more cherished? It is humbling to take a close look at yourself and how your actions are affecting your spouse.  I have come to the conclusion that I need to put my phone away at night. I like to end my day with mind numbing internet surfing, usually facebook. After we put the kids to bed I get ready for bed and then sit on the couch with my phone for 1/2 hour. I need to put my phone in another room and make eye contact with my spouse. I know this will help him feel cherished because he will have a visual reminder that I care more about him than I do my phone. Instead of wasting time on my phone for 1/2 hour I can have an extra 1/2 hour of pillow talk (a fun activity my spouse and I do very frequently to keep our friendship strong and feel emotionally close to one another).

Ask yourself this same question. Ponder and pray about it. The Lord will help you know what will be most beneficial for your marriage. Then use it as a stepping stone to creating your happily ever after.