In-Laws

The word in-laws tends to have two reactions, happiness or dread. My own relationship with in-laws has had ups and downs. I feel like we have reached a level of friendship and respect that makes the relationships a treasure and blessing to my family's lives.

So what can one do to strengthen relationships with in-laws? First we can expect and accept differences. Rather than getting irritated or frustrated with differences in religion, beliefs, or values, we can choose to look at the positive. Look for the things you like about them. Remember that you fell in love with a spouse who was raised by these individuals. So there has to be something you like about them.
"Difference is something that can be anticipated and even looked forward to because of its potential for creating growth in family members. Prayer, fasting, and loving long-suffering are the best remedies when differences...bother us" (Harper and Olsen, 330).

Every family is governed by unspoken rules. For example, always pay cash for things, don't marry someone with a different religion, race, or nationality. It is a good idea to discuss about the unspoken rules each spouse has grown up with. Some unspoken rules are handling conflict, finances, expressing emotions, or topics not to talk about. "The clearer the family rules are, the better, because new sons- or daughters-in-law can't follow rules if they don't understand them" (Harper and Olsen, 332).

Forgiveness is essential to maintaining and creating strong relationships. Letting go of anger, offense, and hatred may be the first step in the process of building a better relationship because we cannot move forward with these other things until we have let go of anger and resentment. It may take time and effort to resolve these issues. If we trust in the atonement of our Savior, Jesus Christ, we can mend troubled relationships.

Frequent positive contact and communication is a great way for adult married children to strengthen the relationship between their in-laws. It sends the message that you value your relationship with them. "Research shows that when daughters-in-law disclose information about themselves, communicate openly, accept differences, use empathy, and push for a relational connection, they have high-quality relationships with mothers-in-law (Harper and Olsen, 332).

Any progress made in bettering our relationship is worth every effort made. It may take time,  effort, forgiveness, and loving long suffering,  but it is possible to build a meaningful relationship with in-laws.

References:

         Harper, J. M. & Olsen, S. F. (2005). "Creating Healthy Ties With In-Laws and Extended   
                  Families." In C. H. Hart, L.D. Newell, E. Walton, & D.C. Dollahite (Eds.), Helping and 
                  healing our families: Principles and practices inspired by "The Family: A Proclamation to 
                  the World" (pp. 327-334). Salt Lake City, UT: Deseret Book Company.