Welcome welcome to a blog dedicated to creating your own happily ever after. This is a place I will share information and knowledge I learn as I study Marriage and Family.
To begin, I read 2012 The State of the Union Address. It discussed several things affecting families in our nation. Reflecting on the community I grew up in, I was able to see some of the things discussed. I grew up in a small farming community. There were two main races, white and Hispanic. It was predominantly members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints and Christians, which are religions that place a high value on marriage and families. I knew a few kid's parents were divorced, remarried, or single parents. The few kids that were living in a low-income, single parent home, where the father was nonexsistent, did poorly in school. They also got into trouble a lot more. W. Brad Wilcox described “the fragile state of marriage among the poor [as] high school dropouts, with all the attendant problems of economic stress, partner conflict, single parenting, and troubled children.” I saw kids my age affected by this very description.
Paul R. Amato wrote an article where he discussed the impact of divorce, cohabitation, and single or two parent homes have on children. I was mostly interested in the “Discordant Two-parent Families” section in Amato’s article. He said that children in high conflict, 2 parent homes have similar struggles as children that come from divorced homes. I grew up in a high conflict home. I often wished my parents would divorce so the yelling would stop. By the time I was 14 years old, things changed a lot. The yelling had diminished substantially. My home finally felt safe. I found it especially interesting when the article talked about the real predictor of the child’s outcome was the quality of parenting. I feel like I have experienced both sides of a good marriage and a high conflict marriage.
President Kimball said, “…only those who believe deeply and actively in the family will be able to preserve their families in the midst of the gathering evil around us.” I think this is in large part because only those who have a deep faith in the family will be willing to fight for their families, their marriages, and their children’s well-being. Things that I am doing to “preserve my family in the midst of gathering evil” is doing Come Follow Me, family scripture study and prayer, repenting, forgiving, attending the temple. I also am working on being a better listener by making eye contact and eliminating distractions, also not interrupting. I am also using conflict resolution skills learned from a previous class. It has helped to work through disagreements between my teenager as well as my spouse in a calm and productive way. We are actively finding solutions.
If a friend were to ask me how the church feels about divorce, I would tell them marriage is a sacred union between man and woman. The covenants entered into in a temple marriage cannot be taken lightly. All efforts should be made to honor these covenants. Simply drifting apart or falling out of love are not reasons that sacred covenants should be abandoned. These differences can and should be worked through and overcome. While it is not easy and will surely be hard, the Savior’s atonement can heal and change hearts. There are instances where divorce is unavoidable and require understanding.
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